CLUELESS REBEL

     Most people don't know it but adrenaline junkies are just regular people that are terrified of life. Surprising but true. If you are one yourself you may want to check this out. Now they might brag to you..., humbly of course...  about their antics but the truth is they are scared silly and just trying to back into their mommies womb as quickly as possible. Now I don't want to pop anyone's "hero" bubble here but..,
 

     Yes fear of life is a funny thing. It is also a real thing because if you don't understand the whole picture life can be as scary as hell. I never knew this before but if you want to know someone who is terrified of life just get to know an "adrenaline monkey"... Or "junkie" as they prefer to be called. After all "Junkie" sounds far cooler than "monkey". That was my story for years and by the grace of God I managed to survive... So far!  : )


     Now sorting out if you have fear of life is not easy. Often as in my case I had no idea that was my problem. Lance an incredible therapist I know helped me with this issue. Once I grasped what he was saying my dare-devilish antics seemed rather embarrassing than they did "cool". Before meeting him I had already had three near death out of body experiences due to severe accidents... Strangely though all three never involved me doing anything dangerous. OK the first one did involve drinking and driving but I was a passenger and that was back when if you were too drunk to stand up people would earnestly tell you that you be careful on your way home through that windy canyon pass. The other two were also vehicle accidents. The last being on my Harley doing just over the speed limit... Which was really slow for me.

     Anyway herez how it works. Dying is not near as scary as most people think. Everyone does it as you can't and don't want to stay here forever anyway. Bodies wear out and actually people just get bored of their lives. Now I don't mean bored of their boring lives just bored of their lives. Believe it or not you can get bored of even your exciting life. When that happens people "check out" by having some "out of the blue" thing happen. Because seriously can you imagine staying at your head orfice job for the next 400 years???   

     It usually does not take all that long to die and once you do all the fretting is over. That alone can be a huge relief. Now I was lucky to have had my "out of body" experiences because they really drove home that dying is the funnest thing we will ever do in life. It is a pretty dam delicious experience. Shimoda said it best in Richard Bach's book "Illusions".  "dying is like diving into a cold lake on a hot day." A little bit of shock but once you are in it feels absolutely incredible. We like to scare the shit out of ourselves regarding it but it is only a one time thing and almost always a delicious experience.  

     Now even though these experiences helped me overcome the fear of death they also helped me overcome my fear of life.  You see life can sometimes be a bit of a nightmare and that scares the hell out of adrenaline junkies. The pain and suffering life can go on for years.

     You see if your parachute does not open then you have about twenty or thirty seconds at best before you see light at the end of the tunnel and float back into boring ole "pairadice". If you step out in front of a bus that light at the end of the tunnel turns into a train at the end of the tunnel. After that train "hits you" the pain sets in. You could end up living for years crippled from the waist down or worse. The same if your "soul mate" left you. The pain of that could go on for years. You could trip running with scissors and scar your face, ruining your modeling career. Or ruin your career as a fighter pilot by poking one eye out with a sharp stick. Hell you could lose your job and end up broke living on the street. This is all stuff that your mother warned you about that is really scary.

     Yes life can be a real bitch if you are not lucky and when that happens you are stuck with it seemingly forever. Can you imagine being scar-faced, crippled from the waste down, single lonely and desperate, blind in one eye, having no income and living on the street just down from your mothers house. Worse not being able to go home for some of her fresh baked cinnamon buns. All because you don't want to listen to her constantly reminding you that she warned you not to play with that sharp stick? That could suck for a very long time!


     It is shit like this that scares the hell out of most dare devils. Thinking back I have to admit it sure scared me. Though even worse for me was the thought of getting a nine to five job, 2.5 kids, dog, mortgage and thirty years of new car payments in a desperate attempt to keep up with the Sucksters next door. It was the terror of that which led me to living dangerously. Death, short of a little pain, would just mean crawling back into the safety of the "womb". Back when I was all tucked in safe and sound. Of course the best way to get back to the womb is to constantly tempt fate, take risks and live on the edge of danger at all times. That safe spot just outside the door of death. 

     Now they say it is addicting because it is. The thing is it is not being on the edge that is actually addicting but being outside of the fear that is addicting. Being in situations where you are forced to concentrate (because of your hardwired survival instincts) on the moment puts you right in that moment. Life in the moment is what is so delicious. Back to that old cliche about the now is being present and we all like presents!!!

     You see because of our "hard wiring" we can't just pull the trigger on ourselves. Before we get here we are programmed to do everything we can to stay alive consciously and unconsciously no matter what. It is just part of the software we get when we come here. Unfortunately there is generally only one way (but not only one way) to upgrade that software package and that is to do a reboot. Which of course means shutting everything down and starting over as we do when we die. When we do we come back we will have version 2.01. Which of course rarely helps as before long we will be wanting 2.02.

     It is fear of life that keeps adrenaline Junkies clinging to tightly to that door of death. They know they can't kill themselves but they can stand near the exit by tempting fate over and over hoping to get "lucky" so to speak.  

     It is sort of like going to a dance and then staying near the wall by the exit door. The dance floor is where life takes place and could get really painful. Your dream girl rejects your dance offer, you stumble around like a fool and everyone laughs, you bark out a fart that clears the dance floor and God knows what else. That is real terror.

     Those not afraid of life are out on the dance floor having a ball and dreading the time they have to step through that exit door at closing time. They still have fear but it is the opposite end of what adrenaline junkies are experiencing. Because of an adrenaline junkies fear, standing by the door to death feels far safer to them. The fear of death part of their hard wiring is just less than their fear of life part is. Thus lurking by the door of death is the best they can do. If they get lucky maybe their chute won't open and back they go, all as if it wasn't even their fault!!!  After all it happens to everyone eventually anyway so why not get it over with sooner than later? There is a huge relief in that.

     Now I never knew I was terrified of life partly because I was trying so hard to look like I was not afraid of death. After all that's what most people seemed to be afraid of. So I must have decided that I wanted to be different and not fear death. Thus raced around on motorcycles like a maniac, often with no helmet, jumping off a mountain with a $200 dollar hanglider and no back up chute, one that I scored at a garage sale from some guy a lot smarter and braver than me, bungee jumping, parachuting, putting a 150 Cessna into a stall and falling out of the sky over and over, becoming vegetarian, and eating over 2000 chocolate bars one year as an "experiment". It was all tempting fate and hoping for the "best".

     Now all this does not mean that dare devils are any less than normal people. Like I said above we all have our fears. Sorta like how the most embarrassing part of our lives is far worse than those of anyone else's life. We think theirs is nothing but ours is really bad. Truth is ours is no worse or no better than theirs. The thing is though theirs just doesn't bother us and vise versa. Fear is no different. We are all afraid of at least something.

     My therapist did point out that if I overcame the fear of life that I might just go back to hangliding and motorcycles etc but if so it would not be out of fearing life but out of pure desire. Which I admit I have recently done as I bought another Harley and am also building a custom vintage one. Not to mention starting a custom Harley shop and shopping around for a hanglider. The thing I had to do was get honest enough with myself. OK I am still not totally there and that's why I never believe a galdam thing I think anymore. At least until I can see some proof.

The Dare Devil's Solution to Overcoming Fear of Life

     Now if you seriously dig into "honesty" you will discover it is the scariest thing ever. Especially when it comes to being honest with yourself. I mean really honest. Years ago I would rant on endlessly about how much I loved my life as an artist and the freedom I had. Right..., going for months on end not being able to afford a coffee and McDonalds was not freedom!!!  I bought that old bullshit line of mine for years before finally snapping out of it. Man what a relief that was!!! Cutting edge thinkers these days are always talking about "thinking out side of the box". The truth is they got it all wrong. They don't need to think outside of "THE" box they need to think outside of "THEIR" box. Because our ego, brain and ideas will trap us a lot quicker than anyone or anything outside of us.

     You see most of us are scared of the thing that we really want to do. If we get honest with ourselves then that "thing" is likely going to rear it's ugly head. This is why so many people race off in rush hour to some cubicle for eight hours a day. All the while dreading every second of it. They are running from that scary "dream" they have but don't believe they can get. The more you do this the  more your life will start passing you by. The longer you do it the faster your life will start passing you by. The more that happens the more you try to avoid your dream.

     The problem is your dream ain't going away, it never will. Your dream is programmed into you also. It is your job that you chose to do when you came here. If you don't embrace it as soon as possible then your life will never feel complete. This will just leave you hungry and chasing everything you see moving by you. Like a dog chasing squirrels. I got a post here on that "Desperately Seeking Boomers" So you can run all you want but unless you get honest with yourself and start pursing that "dream" you will never feel quenched in life.

     Oh and just so you know no one said you have to succeed or become famous with your dream. That was just your ego talking. You need to just "DO" your dream. Sure fame might by part of that dream but your job is not to worry about it. You job is just to do it. You might never find out what the "why" was behind doing your dream. This means you can shelve your "performance anxiety" and get on with just doing it. You have nothing to prove. It is only your ego who thinks so.

The Money Excuse


     Now a lot might be able to bark out their dream but quickly blame money for why they can't do it. Money always gets blamed for most unlived dreams in the world. Which in reality if you are blaming money then you are simply just to afraid to start on your dream. Because very few dreams need money to start. I don't care what you think.

     You see it is true. To start your dream you really don't need money. Sure eventually you will need money but initially you don't. If you really wanted a farmstead then you would start shopping today. That costs nothing. You would run adds for a rental purchase option, you could stop drinking beer and start saving that money in a farmstead fund. Because unless you start walking towards your dream right now then it can't start walking towards you. Dreams are funny like that. They are often so far away that we never notice but here is what happens. You take one step towards your dream and your dream takes ten steps towards you. Though because it is so far away you never notice the ten steps it took. Eventually though you do notice and when you do you will be shocked at how fast it barreled down on you. All you have to do is start taking those steps now.

     One thing that most people don't figure out in the world is that money buys you next to nothing. If you want something you have to be willing to become that person that has that thing. Without becoming the person that has that thing no money in the world will get you there. Money is not a replacement for your fear. Money is kinda like air. Sure you need it, in fact without it you will die in a couple of minutes. But how much of your day do you spend worrying about it. You never think before a run "dam I wonder if I will have enough air for this run... Because there is not much here in this stuffy room...". No you just go for your run and trust the air will be there. Sure you might run by a house that is burning down and if it is a newer one then it will be mostly plastic and very toxic. Thus you might have to hold your breath for a bit but you keep going. You don't just drop dead in defeat. You breathe less, cover your face with your shirt and keep on running. Later you will be running through the forest where the air gets rich and delicious.

So whatz all this mean?


     Daredevils are terrified of life. If you are a daredevil, get over that fear and then see if you still want to dare the devil. Because once you overcome your fear of life you can then attempt your fear of your real dream. As you start living your real dream your fear of life will melt like warm butter near the hot air of a politicians mouth.

Just as bad are people who are terrified of death. After all you can't fully live life unless you get over this. So don't go thinking you are all "special" just because you have 2.5 kids and a 9 to 5. Chances are you are as terrified of death as the dare-devils are of life.

     It doesn't matter what you are afraid of if you have a dream that you are not living then it is time to get on it. If you walk towards that dream it will run towards you. Don't let your fear of  life or death keep you from living your real life.

     Oh one other thing. Get over those fucking "heal the sick and raise the dead" dreams! Those are just your ego talking and extremely unlikely that they are your real dreams. Hell your real dream might be to work in a factory making widgets. After all there are a lot of perks to working in a factory. At least when you go home you can spend time with your kids. You don't have to be worrying about everything or hounded by everyone non top like the "raising the dead" people do. The question to ask is "does this dream actually satiate me or does it just fulfill my desperate desire to be loved and respected?" Something all humans are hard wired to crave. If it is only the latter then you pretty well know it is just your ego talking.   

     Your life will always suck until you start getting honest with yourself. No amount of money is going to change that so quit waiting!!! Start now. Start opening up to what you really want in life. When you do figure it out then start walking towards your dream doing what ever you can today.

     I think there is another post here somewhere that talks more about walking towards your dream... Might still be in my head though....

     One last thing. Once you overcome your fear of life and start actually walking towards your dream you will not believe how good you will feel. The more you walk towards your dream the better you will feel. Each step you take towards it will be absolutely delicious. The best part is the better you feel the less you will care if the dream even arrives!!! This gets really strange. The reason for this is because the only reason you really wanted the dream in the first place was so that you could feel good. You thought that the dream would do that for you.

     When you realize that feeling good is an inside job then the dream no longer is a desperate goal. Sure you might still want to pursue that dream but your pursuit will lack the desperation it once had. That desperation is what actually keeps your dream from happening. So once you start on your path your life will feel more delicious than it ever has. Every step you take will give you satisfaction that you never dreamed possible. After that whatever happens in your life good or bad will all be delicious. Who knows if you are a daredevil you may even want to take your dare-devil antics to a professional level for a change. Show a little real backbone and make a career out of it. After all no one here said living on the edge was bad. At least if you do you know it won't be because you are afraid of that dream life that you never told a soul about.